Monday, May 30, 2011

Breaking Out

We're just waiting for the paperwork and we're getting out of here.

I thought last night would be easy with no chemo on the schedule; however, low potassium gave me excruciating leg cramps, and I had to get four hours of IV meds. I was too stubborn to take any IV pain meds for fear of getting stuck in here another day.

Time to go hang out with my furry friends...
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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Checks and Balances

It's good to know that there are checks and balances at the hospital. Yesterday morning, I wrote this on my urine sample for the lab: "Help me, I think they're trying to kill me." The lab called upstairs to make sure that, indeed, no nurses were trying to actually harm me in any way. However, NOW if the nurses do try to kill me, I have cried wolf and no one will come and save me. I better be really nice to Melissa today.

I was just getting ready to quote the Shakespeare line about urine from Macbeth and I was told that I no longer have to give samples every four hours. I think I was running out of creative ideas at this point anyway.

It's a lousy day for graduation parties and outside adventures, but the rain makes me selfishly feel better about being incarcerated.

I have officially graduated to oral antibiotics, so I don't have to come to St. E's every morning for an hour injection. Good thing, since it would be difficult to take my IV pole with me on the plane to Philly...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Holiday Hostage Hell



Yesterday, I was harassing the nurses at the nursing station, and I turned abruptly to head back to my room. I'm not sure if I forgot I was attached to my IV pole, but I managed to trip over the base and nearly missed face-planting on it. Somehow I caught the pole with my toes, keeping us inches from landing on the ground. The only casualty was the top of my foot, which will probably be black and blue for a few months, since nothing seems to heal. I have appropriately named my IV pole "Jeffrey Dalmer" because he tried to eat me.

Time is going pretty fast in here this time. I did spend most of the day "reading" (which is code for "sleeping"). Mom and Dad are catering in dinner, so I don't have to eat prison food.

Visitors' Log for This Internment So Far:
Dad
Mom
Brian
Betty and Wayne Miller
Bess Scott
Shelly Dowding
Roxi Sattler
Brenda Wiemer
Kim Wright
Michelle Fonck
Julie Harder
John Krawjewski
Nancy Johnson
Di White
Nishja Nuss
Jill and Derek Brandt

If you're feeling guilty that you haven't made the list, come tomorrow! I don't know what time I'll get out of here on Monday...

Despite the title of this blog entry, my internment hasn't been that bad. I can actually focus long enough to read, and I have had interesting visitors. I just liked that show on The Travel Channel.

Friday, May 27, 2011

For the Lab's Entertainment


I have been writing instructions on my UA samples again to entertain the folks in the lab.

Here are some of my favorites so far:

Urine luck. I'm back to entertain you.
Do not remove tag under penalty of law.
It's 6am. Do you know where your urine is? (The lab liked this one and called the nurse's station to compliment me).
Urine good hands with All-State.
This urine was not taken during the rapture.
Three Cups of Pee: One Women's Mission to Pass the Urine Test
Property of Lindsay Lohan

Underwear
Really
Isn't
Necessary
Except I like to wear it.

Not to be used for a flotation device.
Made in China.

Prison Shots

This stuff is worse than Ouzo and pickled herring combined.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Goldfish Attention Span Thwarted

Thanks to an even shorter attention span, my dedication to reading has been a little lacking. I have previously described "chemo brain" using Ani Difranco's "Little Plastic Castle" lyrics:

And they say, “Goldfish have no memory”
I guess their lives are much like mine
And the little plastic castle
Is a surprise every time

Today I conquered my goldfish brain. I read Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, and if you know me at all, I like to underline and reference quotes from the books I read. I found several lines that helped me interpret my own situation and thought that they could be inspiring to others (without ruining the book if you haven't read it yet).

So, chew on these quotes for a while, as I end out my first night of four coasting on Ambien (so I can sleep through my IV's repulsive "indigestion" noises):

"I ask myself: are defeats necessary?
Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times."

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

“It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”

“There is only one way to learn. It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.”

“Usually the threat of death makes people a lot more aware of their lives.”

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”

Incarcerated Again in 501

In case you're bored this holiday weekend, I'm at St. E's through Monday morning in room 501. Come visit and bring cake.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Matching Game

Currently, UNMC is looking at seven possible matches for me. The process will still take a while and I probably won't get there until July.

This week I have spent my time working on committee projects and went to the state track meet. Other than not teaching, it felt sort of like a normal week.

I also made the executive decision that Brian and I are escaping at the end of this next chemo cycle, and we are heading to Philly to hang out with Felicia and Sam and to NYC for a few days. After giving up our trip to China, I thought we needed something fun to do before we get stuck in Omaha for an infinite amount of time. I promise this will be a laid back vacation, and if I need a nap, I will take one.

I wasted no time putting the trip together...we have show tickets (a new Cirque du Soliel show) and Yankees tickets.

Wednesday I get to go hang out with John Chapo at the zoo. I am feeding the penguins :)

And on Thursday I get to go back to the hospital for another round of fun. Hopefully, Brian will be able to find some Donna Roehrs cake and deliver it to me in jail.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Connection With My Fictional Best Friend (Who's Real)





Brian conspired with Rod Fowler to get me the autographed photo and the personalized note from Samantha Brown. I have always said that Samantha Brown and I would make great travel partners, and Brian and I have taken her advice on several occasions, as we've toured around Hawaii, South America, the US, and Europe. In fact, this summer, we had planned on staying in Samantha's hotel in Chengdu, China, we were going to work at the same panda research center, as well as use several of her other recommendations. Hopefully, I'll get to connect with her (for real) via Twitter, and can then live vicariously through her travel experiences for a while. The most disturbing news is that Samantha Brown is no longer working for The Travel Channel... Thank you, Rod, for tracking down Samantha's agent. You did a lot of work...this was really cool!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Things I Hate (and Love)

Things I Hate:
*Purple paper gowns
*Having to update my registration when I spend EVERY day at the hospital. What has changed?
*Off-Key Beeping IV machines
*Failing blood tests
*Socks with tread patterns on them
*Tape on skin
*Getting tied up in a series of cords and wires
*Feeling caged
*The taste of saline when it goes through my veins
*Paper masks
*The waiting...more waiting.

Things I Love:
*When Jay forces me to accurately assess my feelings
*When my favorite nurses surprise me in captivity
*Lunch delivered by my father
*Friends who bring wine to infusion...or dig for the softest Rice Krispie bars in the cafeteria
*Freedom

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My Head is Sweating

I'm enjoying my freedom out of the hospital; however, I wish that our air conditioning was functioning. I'm pretending that I am at the beach, but there are no crashing waves or boat drinks...

I'm supposed to give Aunt Chris double credit for showing up to the hospital Sunday after I checked out (and the same goes for Jess and Brad).

My day of watching the Law and Order marathon was broken up by a visit from Mary and Sarah Ford and my mom. Toonces was pleased because the Ford's brought him a catnip plant. I also got to go to school for our celebration staff meeting food fest.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Get Out of Jail "Free"

I am getting out of the hospital this afternoon, hopefully by 3pm... My nurse Melissa is trying to keep me hostage until 7:30, so no one crazy moves into my space. Doesn't she know I'm crazy?

Mom and Dad brought up a red and white Igloo cooler. I thought they brought me an organ, but it was actually a smoothie.
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Saturday, May 7, 2011

A Leisurely Saturday in Jail

A couple of criticisms: 1.) When I am sleeping, it is not important to say, "Here's your breakfast tray." A hospital breakfast does not trump sleep. 2.) Even less important is the necessity to announce, while I am trying to sleep, "Here is your menu for tomorrow." First of all, choosing my meals for the next day seems to be the most challenging part of my day. And if I'm rocking a really good dream, I don't want to be interrupted to choose between the merits of "Swiss steak" or mac and cheese.

Today I challenged an older man (wearing a Governor's Cup road race t-shirt) to a walking race, I rallied through some student papers, and I entertained some guests (Mom, Dad, Brian, Marilyn, Bess, Jane, Scott, and Janet).

I've tried to keep my door shut because I think everyone on this floor seems to have ebola or some horrible coughing disease that requires the attendance of the infectious disease squad. I don't want to pick anything up from them. Cancer is enough.

Oh, and in case you thought I was out of the water, just because my bone marrow came up clear of cancer cells, that doesn't mean I'm done with chemo treatments or get to escape the stem cell transplant. It just means my body is responding well to the current treatment.

I am waiting for Brian to bring me Olive Garden for dinner and a supply of lemon drops...

My IV Pole is Trying to Kill Me

Friday, May 6, 2011

And Then There's Sean...



I miss the goofy kid entertainment.

My Office Ladies

I Can. I Will! Survive Another Prison Sentence



Good news today: My bone marrow biopsy results from Tuesday showed that I was negative for cancer cells, so the chemo is doing its job.

Carol Harder brought me bubbles and a recorder today. I have found that the recorder will summon my nurse to my room. It is much more entertaining than the call button. I feel like a snake charmer or Dwight Schrute.

Thanks, everyone, for wearing your new "I Can. I Will. Not be Defeated" shirts at school today. Jules, you did a lot of work. I love you. (Jules sold 250 shirts.)

I have been fully entertained during this prison stay so far. My tattoo sleeves have made quite the hit and I have had lots of visitors.

Prison Visitor Log from Thursday and Friday:
Gretchen Oltman
Mary Pflanz
Gabi Covington
Whitney Roeder
Brian
Mom and Dad
Carol Harder
Julia Miller
Marcella Cantarero
Linda Texley
Marti Mueting
Laura Runge
Wendy Henrichs
Janet Zillig

My list is for my memory...and to guilt those of you who have been avoiding me. I promise, other than being bald and looking like I have a couple of black eyes, I'm not sick. It's kind of a party up here. I'm well known on this floor.

And if anyone wants to start a band, I have a recorder.

Thanks, Jules, for Creating the T-shirts!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A Stolen Car

Brian just was paged, but no one answered. He went down to his truck, thinking he had parked in an illegal spot. It turns out the family that parked in the spot before him had their car stolen. Brian had to give a statement to the police about when he parked in the garage. It's always eventful at the hospital.

Ann Adams...I Have Your Room!



Sorry for the inside joke, but it's in my bathroom...and you'd know it if you graded state writing. Also, since I'm stuck in captivity, I finally decided to read the book about the schwa. Thanks for the advice, David!

Side effects of chemo so far: flashbacks, general goofiness, and consecotaleophobia (fear of chopsticks). I guess it's good that I'm not going to China.

Singled Out (An MTV Flashback)


I'm quoting my friend, Katherine: "Do you feel like you're playing a kind of internet dating game where your bone marrow has to weed out the slick-willy sleeze-balls to find just the right date?"

Magic 8-Ball Says

Outlook Good...on potential bone marrow matches from the registry. On a preliminary test (which only looks at some basic characteristics), I have 52 possibilities. Now, after an insurance hoop, they will look at those matches closer to determine the best one. This process could take 4-6 weeks...or months. I'm hoping for weeks. I'm not very patient.

I'm currently hooked up to an IV getting chemo.

Gretchen Oltman saved me from a scary unidentifiable lunch, and she ran out to get me Amigos for Cinco de Mayo.

I have a friend on this floor that I'm going to visit later. Her identity will be protected due to the HIPAA law.

Thanks, Steph, for the awful tattoo sleeves. They totally look real, and I'm freaking people out.

Jail Location

You will find me in cell #545.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Nothing Good Comes Easy

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." -J.F.K.

Brian, Mom, Dad, and I went to UNMC this morning, so I could take some tests.

Here is a summary of the morning:
I wore nose plugs and blew into a tube.
We looked clueless multiple times and everyone jumped at the opportunity to help us get to the right location.
I lost more of my blood.
I got a CT scan.
The social worker told my mom that she could boss me around (this is just for 100 days).

We learned that unfortunately Jill doesn't match my marrow close enough, so I will have to find a match from the national registry. Hopefully, this won't delay the stem cell treatment too much. I still have to do two more 21-day cycles of chemo.

Tomorrow I am heading back to St. E's at 8am (after I eat my key lime pie cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory). I will be hanging out on the 5th floor somewhere for 5-6 days. Come find me. I will be wearing tattoo sleeves.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

15 More Minutes

After two other doctor appointments this morning, I got to have a bone marrow biopsy. I wanted to drive home myself, so I rocked through it without drugs. A couple of deep breaths and a good visualization strategy (I pretended I was in a gondola in Venice) were all I needed.

Tomorrow I head up to UNMC for a series of tests, and then I'm going to watch part of the conference track meet.

I hope I can find my car when I break out of here.
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