Patience is Not My Virtue (But I Can Accept That)

I have to admit, I like being surrounded by others; however, Toonces and I both react the same way when the door bell rings: the fight or flight response immediately sets in.  Too many solicitors have kept me on edge, and when the postman rang the door on Saturday, I checked out Brian's office window before opening the door.  When I saw nothing on my porch, I walked out to the mailbox and found a pink slip indicating that I had a package that required a signature.  I wasn't expecting anything to be delivered to me, and I was mad that I didn't just answer the door.  Inside, I watched from the office window, waiting for the mailman to troll the other side of the street, so I could flag him down to receive this mystery package.  Despite my quickness, my mailman had a lead foot between mailboxes, and he did not see the crazy bald woman waving a promising piece of paper frantically in his rearview mirror.

If you don't know me that well, and if you haven't figured me out yet, I am not a patient person. Through manipulation and pure speed, I find myself at the front of every line.  Particularly restroom lines.  In fact, my most stressful life moments have come from the agony of waiting, when I wasn't savvy enough to trump the queue...

Spending two hours waiting to check in at the airport in Brisbane, Australia, when our guide had only allotted us two hours to navigate the whole charade--four Qantas workers and a line 200 winding meters long--with 35 some students in tow...  

Waiting for Turkish night buses to finally pull into 24-hour truck stops, so I could pay to pee in a hole on the floor...

I came into the house cursing the mail truck and my stupidity for not opening the front door in a timely fashion (or not having a peephole).  I now had to wait until Monday to go to the post office.

* * *

When I arrived at the Old Cheney Annex this morning, after overshooting the one-way turn in, I found myself in line behind a woman with a package.  I had to explain the nuances of pick-up to this lady--you have to push a call button, and I was elated when the woman was shooed away, since you can't mail anything at the annex, and I now held the coveted first spot in line.

Retrieving my box, I returned to my car and impatient ways, savagely ripping the box apart.  My behavior reminded me of the slogan on packages from my favorite online North Face dealer, Moosejaw: "No knife; use teeth."

The contents of the box proved to me that, while patience is not a quality I have in my skill set, it is a quality that other people, like my (retired) English colleague and friend Ruth Kupfer, fully exhibit.

Inside the box was the most amazing gift, a gift that came from someone who not only has an unfathomable (to me) amount of patience, but who has artistic skill and expertise as well.  

Ruth designed the quilt from the symbol that has a strong meaning for me, the New Zealand Maori "honu koru."  If this turtle design seems familiar, it's because I wore it proudly shaved into my head before my hair fell out. What you can't see from the quilt pictures are the words enveloping the turtle: words that Ruth carefully researched that exemplify this symbol as well as my journey:

strength

tenacity

intensity

courage

persistence

bravery

passion

spirit

roar

grits

resolve

heart

love

muscle

joy

I can I will

zeal

energy

determination

toughness

resistance

perseverance

You will notice that the word "patience" isn't on the list of words that define me.  I think that's okay--these words are enough to sustain me.  I think it's okay that I want to make things happen now.  I need to keep going at 100 miles an hour; I don't feel like I have time to be patient; I need others to be patient for me.

Thanks, Ruth.  I can't wait to hang this quilt on my wall.  It will remind me to continue to live each moment with the spirit of the honu koru.

Kia kaha.

A Year in Review

This "Year in Review" is a Christmas letter to myself.  My memory is so awesome, I need to have my life documented somewhere.

January 2014: I finally learned the name of my German stem cell donor, Corina Hahn.  I had an awesome student teacher (who was my former student), Jackson Carter.  

February 2014: Brian and I went to the James Taylor concert.  Out of all the seats in Pinnacle, our friends, Colleen and Rob Ogden, sat right behind us.

March 2014: I was busy getting my school improvement project completed for my Doane Educational Leadership master's degree, but I still had time to raid the Nike Outlet with my friend, Julie.

April 2014: We had our last class as the Doane EDL Cadre 27.

May 2014: Graduation!

We enjoyed success at the Nebraska state track meet.  Brian and I love these four girls.  

June 2014: Brian and I spent two weeks in Costa Rica.  

Highlights: 

Staying and having a private tour at the sloth sanctuary

Rappelling down waterfalls near Arenal Volcano

Driving (or buying--it was expensive) a rental car all over the country

Ziplining through the Monteverde Cloud Forest

Bottle-feeding howler monkeys and feeding toucans

Soaking in the hot springs 

A private tour of Manuel Antonio National Park with the best nature guide, Johan Chaves

July 2014: I got to spend time with my NWU friends (including Megan Yonkey, who teaches in Taiwan).

August 2014: I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer and started chemotherapy.

The "I Can. I Will!" phenomenon caught on.

I decided to knock out my hair in true Kabourek fashion.  I also wanted to make a good first day of school impression.

The crocodile theme took hold after I wrote a note to my colleagues at East High.  I was given my crocodile totem on a 2005 trip to Australia.  After talking to an aboriginal woman for about five minutes, she correctly identified my spirit animal.

I will do about anything to get people to laugh at me...and to make others more comfortable about the word "cancer."

I love John Chapo (the CEO of the Lincoln Children's Zoo), and he takes care of my animal wishes.  I wanted to get up close with Apollo the Bobcat.  Three years ago, after missing out on my China experience, John also let me have an animal encounter, where I fed the penguins.  Thanks, John!

I've been handing out "I Can. I Will!" crocodiles to people who exhibit the characteristics of a crocodile (or who maybe just need a crocodilian boost).

September 2014: I had my 37th birthday.  Birthdays are good.  I would like to continue to have many more.  I hope that I have influenced people to embrace their birthdays.

As if I didn't already know this, Ann Ringlein (my coach at Wesleyan) is one of my biggest supporters.

Brian wrote a nice article that was printed in the Star City Sports.  This is a picture from our 2008 trip to Switzerland, Germany, and the Czech Republic (I had hair then).

I let my cross country girls decorate my head first.

Katherine Shaner came back to spend the weekend with me.  We ran the cross country course (4k) in world record time.  It was fun to catch up and reminisce.

It had been 10 years since I had run the NWU Alumni Meet, and I decided that it was time to lose the ego and run it.  Courtney and Steph both "ran" the race with me.  We had a huge cheering section.  Ann and Ted (Bulling) are also starting an "I Can. I Will!" award for their cross country runners.

Ann had these t-shirts made for her NWU girls.  It took my mom a while to realize that the "Baker" part was on there (despite the fact that I have been a "Kabourek" for eleven years).  Ann still calls me "Baker," which is just fine.

My Creative Writing kids got a hold of my head.

Chemo has been working...

All of the East High athletic teams have embraced the "I can. I will!" motto this year.  The softball team had a strike out cancer night, and I was honored.  I had to throw out the first pitch.

October 2014: Hollie Urbauer gave me an awesome henna tattoo (and I wish it would have been permanent).

I hung out with my Market to Market Relay team.  I didn't want to drag them down with my slowness, so I provided van commentary instead.

Julie Harder and I went to the Ani Difranco concert.  I love Ani Difranco's song "Little Plastic Castle," particularly because she talks about a goldfish has a three-second memory.  Every time the goldfish circles the bowl, he says, "Look a castle!"  Yeah, that's me.

The East High marquee inspires me (and hopefully others) everyday.  I like seeing my slogan when I come and go to school.

We were given a kitten at the cross country banquet (from Morgan Applegarth).  We tried out some different names. Meet Spartie.  Since the banquet, the kitten (and the other two cats) have consumed our lives.  Spartie is a lovable cat, but also completely psychotic.  Duke, Brian's cat, had urinary issues, and we've spent several thousand on his vet bills.  Nobody threw me in Holmes Lake when I was diagnosed this summer, so we weren't going to give up on Duke either.  He still literally poops outside the box.  We've officially given over our house to the cats.

November 2014: I have enjoyed the monthly outings with this group of women (a few are missing).  Clearly, this bunch (current and former East teachers) are a lot of fun.

I ran the Halfsy half marathon despite my ridiculous (thanks to chemo) training regime of 4 miles two or three times a week--I don't recommend that.  I had a great group of women who ran the race with me.  I got to dictate the pace and boss them around (my former teammates and coach said that this wasn't any different from when I was in college--other than the pace was much slower).

I spent a weekend in Kansas City with my friends, Steph, Bridget, Amberly, and Courtney.  We got massages, ate lots of good food, and went shopping in the Plaza.  It is dangerous for me to go into Tiffany's.

The loss of student Tony Kirkpatrick has deeply impacted the East High community.  Every day Tony would wear I heart t-shirts.  Every day, I am deliberately naming the things I love.

A water main broke at East, and we had to use six porta potties for the day (for 1500 students and staff).

My parents, Jill, her husband, Derek, Brian, and I went to Arizona over Thanksgiving Break.  We stayed in a former East High parent's condo in Fountain Hills.

I knocked skydiving off my bucket list.  It was amazing!

December: I let my freshmen students decorate my head for the Toys for Tots bowling.  Let's just say that my head art inspired others; my bowling scores were not, however, inspired.

We made the decision to cancel Christmas at our house.  This cat would take down the tree.  Brian's cat would use the tree skirt for a litter box.

Happy holidays!  I am looking forward to the winter break.  I am going to relish every minute of time I have to spend with family and friends.