Monday, May 30, 2011

Breaking Out

We're just waiting for the paperwork and we're getting out of here.

I thought last night would be easy with no chemo on the schedule; however, low potassium gave me excruciating leg cramps, and I had to get four hours of IV meds. I was too stubborn to take any IV pain meds for fear of getting stuck in here another day.

Time to go hang out with my furry friends...
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Checks and Balances

It's good to know that there are checks and balances at the hospital. Yesterday morning, I wrote this on my urine sample for the lab: "Help me, I think they're trying to kill me." The lab called upstairs to make sure that, indeed, no nurses were trying to actually harm me in any way. However, NOW if the nurses do try to kill me, I have cried wolf and no one will come and save me. I better be really nice to Melissa today.

I was just getting ready to quote the Shakespeare line about urine from Macbeth and I was told that I no longer have to give samples every four hours. I think I was running out of creative ideas at this point anyway.

It's a lousy day for graduation parties and outside adventures, but the rain makes me selfishly feel better about being incarcerated.

I have officially graduated to oral antibiotics, so I don't have to come to St. E's every morning for an hour injection. Good thing, since it would be difficult to take my IV pole with me on the plane to Philly...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Holiday Hostage Hell



Yesterday, I was harassing the nurses at the nursing station, and I turned abruptly to head back to my room. I'm not sure if I forgot I was attached to my IV pole, but I managed to trip over the base and nearly missed face-planting on it. Somehow I caught the pole with my toes, keeping us inches from landing on the ground. The only casualty was the top of my foot, which will probably be black and blue for a few months, since nothing seems to heal. I have appropriately named my IV pole "Jeffrey Dalmer" because he tried to eat me.

Time is going pretty fast in here this time. I did spend most of the day "reading" (which is code for "sleeping"). Mom and Dad are catering in dinner, so I don't have to eat prison food.

Visitors' Log for This Internment So Far:
Dad
Mom
Brian
Betty and Wayne Miller
Bess Scott
Shelly Dowding
Roxi Sattler
Brenda Wiemer
Kim Wright
Michelle Fonck
Julie Harder
John Krawjewski
Nancy Johnson
Di White
Nishja Nuss
Jill and Derek Brandt

If you're feeling guilty that you haven't made the list, come tomorrow! I don't know what time I'll get out of here on Monday...

Despite the title of this blog entry, my internment hasn't been that bad. I can actually focus long enough to read, and I have had interesting visitors. I just liked that show on The Travel Channel.

Friday, May 27, 2011

For the Lab's Entertainment


I have been writing instructions on my UA samples again to entertain the folks in the lab.

Here are some of my favorites so far:

Urine luck. I'm back to entertain you.
Do not remove tag under penalty of law.
It's 6am. Do you know where your urine is? (The lab liked this one and called the nurse's station to compliment me).
Urine good hands with All-State.
This urine was not taken during the rapture.
Three Cups of Pee: One Women's Mission to Pass the Urine Test
Property of Lindsay Lohan

Underwear
Really
Isn't
Necessary
Except I like to wear it.

Not to be used for a flotation device.
Made in China.

Prison Shots

This stuff is worse than Ouzo and pickled herring combined.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Goldfish Attention Span Thwarted

Thanks to an even shorter attention span, my dedication to reading has been a little lacking. I have previously described "chemo brain" using Ani Difranco's "Little Plastic Castle" lyrics:

And they say, “Goldfish have no memory”
I guess their lives are much like mine
And the little plastic castle
Is a surprise every time

Today I conquered my goldfish brain. I read Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, and if you know me at all, I like to underline and reference quotes from the books I read. I found several lines that helped me interpret my own situation and thought that they could be inspiring to others (without ruining the book if you haven't read it yet).

So, chew on these quotes for a while, as I end out my first night of four coasting on Ambien (so I can sleep through my IV's repulsive "indigestion" noises):

"I ask myself: are defeats necessary?
Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times."

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

“It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”

“There is only one way to learn. It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.”

“Usually the threat of death makes people a lot more aware of their lives.”

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”

Incarcerated Again in 501

In case you're bored this holiday weekend, I'm at St. E's through Monday morning in room 501. Come visit and bring cake.